Adjusting. The past few weeks have been a time of adjusting. Caleb is at his MOS school, which means we don't have much time to talk throughout the day, or sometimes at all. Some days are a lot harder than others. I try not to dwell in the negativity of the situation, but try my best to look at the positives. The positive is that I have an awesome man of God who loves me unconditionally, who is trying his best to always make me happy through texts, emails, and voicemails when we can't talk on the phone, who is constantly trying to understand my needs above his, who is sensitive to my emotions, and most importantly, is the man who is my best friend. Even though he can't always be there for me right when I want him to, I know that our love is so special and there is nobody else who could ever take his place. I know this all sounds a little too lovey-dovey, but I really don't know how else to explain it!!! I love waking up at 2 in the morning to call him just to say 'good morning, i love you' to him before he has to leave, i love hearing his voice in the morning when i do call him (even though i hardly remember what i say because im still so sleepy!), I love cherishing every single special moment I have with him and never taking anything for granted.
I guess I have really learned to appreciate the small things. I have saved every sweet text message he has sent in an email folder so I can re-read them whenever I miss him, I have saved every sweet email he has written to me to do the same and saved all of his voicemails to re-play at night when I miss hearing his voice. It's amazing that after almost a year in a half, I am more in love with him than I have ever been. Distance IS hard, but I can't deny how romantic it is at the same time. The "tfm"'s, the "shmilys", the "i love you like...", the little games we play back and forth to try to out-sweet the other person, is seriously priceless. Would I rather have him here with me every day? OF COURSE. That is what I can only pray will come true one blessed day. However, I am treasuring how much more beautiful everything is with him being 3000 miles away. I look forward to his phonecalls, to his emails, to his text messages, to his poems, to his pictures, to our skype dates, and most of all, I look forward to seeing him in a week!
Anticipating: I'll be leaving next week to see my honey. I am SO looking forward to this trip because I can't begin to describe just how much I have missed him. I can't WAIT to hug him and hold his hand, to sit next to him in a car! to look at his face whenever I want to, to watch movies with him and eat with him! haha...it sounds so silly, but it's the simple things that I miss the most. He told me that he'll take me out for Valentine's Day and I can't wait to see what he has planned. He told me to dress up and he told me he'll be wearing a suit for the night. It's what every girl loves to do...get pretty for her man! I simply can't wait. This week will seem like one year! He will be working almost all the days I am there, unfortunately, but he told me he'll try his best to finish everything as soon as possible. But, just being with him is more than enough for me.
Re-Dedicating: I want to be closer to Jesus. I need to pray and read His word more. I have to remind myself that serving in Ministry is not my first ministry. Jesus is my first ministry and I don't want to be so busy that I don't have personal time with Him. So far, it's been great! I have had some time at night to just relax, but now I have to take advantage of that time and use it wisely. I want my fire and desire to know HIM to grow daily. Caleb read a passage from his devotions (My Utmost for His highest) to me the other night. It reminded me that I need to do more than just BE saved. I AM saved. Now, I need to do His purpose for me in my life...and I am excited to be used for His purpose.
Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?" Then I said, "Here am I. Send me!" Isaiah 6:8
I love this verse. It just reignites my fire to do His will. How exciting. What a priviledge it is to do something for GOD. We always ask and take, ask and demand, ask and complain, ask and want more. I don't want to ask, I want to answer...
Surrendering: The hardest thing for me to do at this point of my life is to surrender. To surrender my fleshly desires and to lay it at the cross. My future, my plans, my wants, my fears, my relationship, my everything. I'll be honest, I am scared sometimes...I don't know what the future holds. I have my desires, but in the end, everything is in His hands. Last night just reminded me that everything I have belongs to Him. He gives and takes away. I don't mind the "giving," part, but I suppose I am scared of the "taking away" part. I feel so blessed in my life right now...I have a roof to live under, family, friends, a great church, Caleb, a job, students to teach, a car, savings, food, water, etc. Now, how blessed will I feel if He decides to take these things away from me?? Something that I need to pray about...I don't want to idolize anything, nor take anything for granted. I feel blessed and in the end, whatever may happen, the wonderful thing about Him is that He will always be there for me. He is faithful, and there is nothing that I should fear.
Ok...got to stop for now. I'll try to update soon.
Adios.
TFM.
p.s. Here is a poem Caleb wrote this week for me. I couldn't stop smiling!
I guess I have really learned to appreciate the small things. I have saved every sweet text message he has sent in an email folder so I can re-read them whenever I miss him, I have saved every sweet email he has written to me to do the same and saved all of his voicemails to re-play at night when I miss hearing his voice. It's amazing that after almost a year in a half, I am more in love with him than I have ever been. Distance IS hard, but I can't deny how romantic it is at the same time. The "tfm"'s, the "shmilys", the "i love you like...", the little games we play back and forth to try to out-sweet the other person, is seriously priceless. Would I rather have him here with me every day? OF COURSE. That is what I can only pray will come true one blessed day. However, I am treasuring how much more beautiful everything is with him being 3000 miles away. I look forward to his phonecalls, to his emails, to his text messages, to his poems, to his pictures, to our skype dates, and most of all, I look forward to seeing him in a week!
Anticipating: I'll be leaving next week to see my honey. I am SO looking forward to this trip because I can't begin to describe just how much I have missed him. I can't WAIT to hug him and hold his hand, to sit next to him in a car! to look at his face whenever I want to, to watch movies with him and eat with him! haha...it sounds so silly, but it's the simple things that I miss the most. He told me that he'll take me out for Valentine's Day and I can't wait to see what he has planned. He told me to dress up and he told me he'll be wearing a suit for the night. It's what every girl loves to do...get pretty for her man! I simply can't wait. This week will seem like one year! He will be working almost all the days I am there, unfortunately, but he told me he'll try his best to finish everything as soon as possible. But, just being with him is more than enough for me.
Re-Dedicating: I want to be closer to Jesus. I need to pray and read His word more. I have to remind myself that serving in Ministry is not my first ministry. Jesus is my first ministry and I don't want to be so busy that I don't have personal time with Him. So far, it's been great! I have had some time at night to just relax, but now I have to take advantage of that time and use it wisely. I want my fire and desire to know HIM to grow daily. Caleb read a passage from his devotions (My Utmost for His highest) to me the other night. It reminded me that I need to do more than just BE saved. I AM saved. Now, I need to do His purpose for me in my life...and I am excited to be used for His purpose.
Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, "Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?" Then I said, "Here am I. Send me!" Isaiah 6:8
I love this verse. It just reignites my fire to do His will. How exciting. What a priviledge it is to do something for GOD. We always ask and take, ask and demand, ask and complain, ask and want more. I don't want to ask, I want to answer...
Surrendering: The hardest thing for me to do at this point of my life is to surrender. To surrender my fleshly desires and to lay it at the cross. My future, my plans, my wants, my fears, my relationship, my everything. I'll be honest, I am scared sometimes...I don't know what the future holds. I have my desires, but in the end, everything is in His hands. Last night just reminded me that everything I have belongs to Him. He gives and takes away. I don't mind the "giving," part, but I suppose I am scared of the "taking away" part. I feel so blessed in my life right now...I have a roof to live under, family, friends, a great church, Caleb, a job, students to teach, a car, savings, food, water, etc. Now, how blessed will I feel if He decides to take these things away from me?? Something that I need to pray about...I don't want to idolize anything, nor take anything for granted. I feel blessed and in the end, whatever may happen, the wonderful thing about Him is that He will always be there for me. He is faithful, and there is nothing that I should fear.
Ok...got to stop for now. I'll try to update soon.
Adios.
TFM.
p.s. Here is a poem Caleb wrote this week for me. I couldn't stop smiling!
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