Never trust someone who lies to you.
Never lie to someone who trusts you.
In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond. So hold the hand of the person whom you love rather than expecting them to hold yours...
The Gowan Three
Friday, March 19, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Faith
I just wish I could have all the faith in the world without having to go through all the difficult times to get me there. Just found out some news today that requires me to have faith. Faith that God knows better than me, and faith that whatever happens, God will get me through it. God is faithful. I just need to remember to be faithful to Him, too.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
"Undaunted Radiance"
Caleb emailed this to me tonight in response to my last post (thanks love):
My Utmost for His Highest
"Undaunted Radiance"
My Utmost for His Highest
Oswald Chambers
March 7
"Undaunted Radiance"
"Nay, in all these things, we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us." Romans 8:37
Paul is speaking of the things that might seem likely to separate or wedge in between the saint and the love of God; but the remarkable thing is that nothing can wedge in between the love of God and the saint. These things can and do come in between the devotional exercises of the soul and God and separate individual life from God; but none of them is able to wedge in between the love of God and the soul of the saint. The bedrock of our Christian faith is the unmerited, fathomless marvel of the love of God exhibited on the Cross of Calvary, a love we never can and never shall merit. Paul says this is the reason we are more than conquerors in all these things, super-victors, with a joy we would not have but for the very things which look as if they are going to overwhelm us.
The surf that distresses the ordinary swimmer produces in the surf-rider the super-joy of going clean through it. Apply that to our own circumstances, these very things- tribulation, distress, persecution, produce in us the super-joy; they are not things to fight. We are more than conquerors through Him in all these things, not in spite of them, but in the midst of them. The saint never knows the joy of the Lord in spite of tribulation, but because of it- "I am exceeding joyful in all our tribulation," says Paul.
Undaunted radiance is not built on anything passing, but on the love of God that nothing can alter. The experiences of life, terrible or monotonous, are important to touch the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
We're Engaged!!!!!!!!!!
Yes indeed! We're engaged! The "surprise" on Saturday was him taking me to the beach early in the morning (6am) and seeing the sunrise...AND him asking me to marry him! It was so beautiful, so sweet, so romantic, so perfect! He made me my favorite tea (chai) and brought his bible with him as we walked to the beach. We sat on the steps and he read 1st Corinthians 13, and Ephesians 5 (while he read this passage, I was a little suspicious, but decided to shrug it off....) and then he led us in prayer. I prayed for our relationship and for our future together, then he did the same. Then, God made us see the most beautiful sunrise ever...it was breathtaking...my first time seeing the sun come up! I took my camera and started taking pictures (of course) then he told me to stand up, and then he got down on one knee and asked "THE QUESTION!" Honestly...I could not even begin to tell you the words he said to me leading up to the question...all that was going through my head was "oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh"....was this really happening?! It was! He asked "Will you marry me?" and I tried to think of something witty and clever to say, but I honestly couldn't think of what to say...except "YES!"
We made the oh so cliche heart in the sand with our names...took tons of pictures of the ring, and then it was on to my next surprise! He booked a couples massage for us! My first time getting a massage too! So relaxing and peaceful...except that I walked away with these huge line marks on my face because of the towels I was laying on....=) He wanted us to watch Casablanca, but I was SO tired (from only get 2.5 hours of sleep bc of the jet lag) so we took a nice and long nap...OH, but before that, we went to the Jewelry store to resize my ring...it was MUCH too big, and it was such a blessing that they were able to resize it in just a couple of hours! after the nap, we got all dressed up because he took me to Ruth's Chris...THE best steakhouse and restaurant ever. From the food to the waiter to the setting, it was spectacular in every way and exceeded my expectations. it was the perfect day, the perfect RING, and now i have the most perfect MAN who is my fiance! I'm ENGAGED!
The happiness was short lived because the next day, I just cried my eyes out since I was going to be leaving Monday. It just made me sad thinking about how Id have to leave the one mortal man who I love more than anyone...and not knowing what the future holds for us...timewise.
okay so let me explain. We don't know when the wedding will be. I am trying NOT to think about this too much because for once, I am going to just trust God instead of trying to plan things out according to my limited knowledge. BUT, here's what I do know (i think):
1. there's a possibility that we could get married a lot sooner than we had originally planned
2. there's a possibility we could get married on the date we originally planned
3. there's a possibility we could get married a lot later than we had originally planned.
The date that would be perfect would be: June 11th, 2011. Now, we have to listen to what God wants us to do.
Why is there so much confusion? Because of Caleb's deployment schedule. Originally, we thought that he was going to deploy sometime THIS year...and we had kind of prepared for him to leave Summer or Fall 2010...allowing ME the chance to plan the wedding while he is away, for us to get married when he returned some time in Spring 2011, or Summer 2011. However, we recently found out that his unit will be deploying sometime next year...and after talking to one of the Lieutenants in Cherry Point, it will most likely be sometime in Feb/March of 2011 (However, there is a SLIM chance that he could be in another unit that deploys in November, which would then work out perfectly as we would plan for our June 2011 wedding!...but it's a slim chance that it will happen...) SO, we could plan to get married before then, however, we would encounter one problem: my parents. I don't think it will go over well with my parents at all...as they have been preparing for me to get married in June 2011. And then there's the option of getting married after he comes back from his deployment, which would lead to a very long engagement, of almost 2 years.
sigh.
SO, there's the situation. there's the dilemna. there's the confusion. there's the problem.
I know that I control nothing. I don't control his schedule, time, my parent's feelings. Nada. I will use this time to pray and fast and seek God's will for us. There is a heavy burden inside of me because I want so badly to do things my way. If it was up to me, then I would marry him as soon as possible and then just trust God to lead the rest of the way...however, it's so much more complicated because I have to factor in my family, my job, etc...
It sucks having limitations, but in times of trials and tribulations, I'll do what James says to do, and that is to be joyful and thank God for allowing me to go through these difficult times so that my faith will grow. So God, I will surrender all my worries and doubts, my fears, my desires, my stress, my confusion, my anger, my frustrations, and I will give them to you...and I will try my best to be still and listen to you and draw nearer to you. Ultimately, God knows best. He already knows when. He already knows everything...so in that, I can rest assured that His way is better than mine. I trust God and I know that He will lead us as long as we are obedient and seek His will before ours.
I'll update more when I can.
Til then,
i'm signing off....
As an engaged woman!!!!
tfm.
We made the oh so cliche heart in the sand with our names...took tons of pictures of the ring, and then it was on to my next surprise! He booked a couples massage for us! My first time getting a massage too! So relaxing and peaceful...except that I walked away with these huge line marks on my face because of the towels I was laying on....=) He wanted us to watch Casablanca, but I was SO tired (from only get 2.5 hours of sleep bc of the jet lag) so we took a nice and long nap...OH, but before that, we went to the Jewelry store to resize my ring...it was MUCH too big, and it was such a blessing that they were able to resize it in just a couple of hours! after the nap, we got all dressed up because he took me to Ruth's Chris...THE best steakhouse and restaurant ever. From the food to the waiter to the setting, it was spectacular in every way and exceeded my expectations. it was the perfect day, the perfect RING, and now i have the most perfect MAN who is my fiance! I'm ENGAGED!
The happiness was short lived because the next day, I just cried my eyes out since I was going to be leaving Monday. It just made me sad thinking about how Id have to leave the one mortal man who I love more than anyone...and not knowing what the future holds for us...timewise.
okay so let me explain. We don't know when the wedding will be. I am trying NOT to think about this too much because for once, I am going to just trust God instead of trying to plan things out according to my limited knowledge. BUT, here's what I do know (i think):
1. there's a possibility that we could get married a lot sooner than we had originally planned
2. there's a possibility we could get married on the date we originally planned
3. there's a possibility we could get married a lot later than we had originally planned.
The date that would be perfect would be: June 11th, 2011. Now, we have to listen to what God wants us to do.
Why is there so much confusion? Because of Caleb's deployment schedule. Originally, we thought that he was going to deploy sometime THIS year...and we had kind of prepared for him to leave Summer or Fall 2010...allowing ME the chance to plan the wedding while he is away, for us to get married when he returned some time in Spring 2011, or Summer 2011. However, we recently found out that his unit will be deploying sometime next year...and after talking to one of the Lieutenants in Cherry Point, it will most likely be sometime in Feb/March of 2011 (However, there is a SLIM chance that he could be in another unit that deploys in November, which would then work out perfectly as we would plan for our June 2011 wedding!...but it's a slim chance that it will happen...) SO, we could plan to get married before then, however, we would encounter one problem: my parents. I don't think it will go over well with my parents at all...as they have been preparing for me to get married in June 2011. And then there's the option of getting married after he comes back from his deployment, which would lead to a very long engagement, of almost 2 years.
sigh.
SO, there's the situation. there's the dilemna. there's the confusion. there's the problem.
I know that I control nothing. I don't control his schedule, time, my parent's feelings. Nada. I will use this time to pray and fast and seek God's will for us. There is a heavy burden inside of me because I want so badly to do things my way. If it was up to me, then I would marry him as soon as possible and then just trust God to lead the rest of the way...however, it's so much more complicated because I have to factor in my family, my job, etc...
It sucks having limitations, but in times of trials and tribulations, I'll do what James says to do, and that is to be joyful and thank God for allowing me to go through these difficult times so that my faith will grow. So God, I will surrender all my worries and doubts, my fears, my desires, my stress, my confusion, my anger, my frustrations, and I will give them to you...and I will try my best to be still and listen to you and draw nearer to you. Ultimately, God knows best. He already knows when. He already knows everything...so in that, I can rest assured that His way is better than mine. I trust God and I know that He will lead us as long as we are obedient and seek His will before ours.
I'll update more when I can.
Til then,
i'm signing off....
As an engaged woman!!!!
tfm.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
God is Good.
I made it to Virginia!
After all the worrying and anxious waiting yesterday, God came through and granted me safe travels! It was a long flight from San Diego to Baltimore with lots of turbulence...but I'm not complaining! I made it safe and sound. There was a lady right across from me who passed out in the middle of the flight She was unconscious for a while, but thankfully there was a fireman on board who was able to give her some medical care.
It's an unbelievably magical feeling when I see Caleb. What's really funny is that I get extremely nervous the last couple hours before I see him. I go through so many different scenarios of what I want to do when I see him for the first time. Do I: drop everything I have, run up to him and hug him? Jump on him when I hug him? be super shy because I feel nervous when i see him? Hug him tightly and give him a kiss? I have so many different "options" so to say, but when I actually see him, everything that I have planned out flies out the window. Tonight, I managed to knock over my carry-on luggage while I was hugging him...great. Oh well, I'm sure there'll be many more moments like this in the future...=)
We were BOTH extremely tired. I only got about 2-3 hours of sleep last night, and a few hours on the plane as well. Caleb has been staying up late and going in early this week to work on a brief that he will be presenting tomorrow. He wasn't able to work on it tonight because I flew in, so he had to work double time the last few days...I know he'll do great, but I feel a little pang of guilt knowing that he would've been able to do a lot more tonight if I didn't come.
Tomorrow's Friday. He still has class but he told me he'll drop by during lunch to grab something to eat and check on me. Then he'll be off again til about 4,5, or maybe even 6oclock. We're planning on eating at a Sushi place where him and his colleagues go to every Friday, so I'm pretty excited to meet his friends and to get to know them.
It all still seems surreal. I just can't believe I'm in Virginia and that I'll be seeing him again tomorrow. I pray that we aren't tempted and if we are, that we will remind each other to be strong and to remain pure...It's definitely challenging after not seeing someone you love and are extremely attracted to continue to remain pure...but, I know that both of us love God and love each other and want to honor doing the right thing...
Well, it's 12:20 am here...I'm not tired yet, but I'll probably read another few hundred pages of Eclipse....the third installment of Twilight saga. If I still can't sleep by then, I'll watch a few episodes of Glee online. I just finished watching the Olympics and I'm so happy because Yuna Kim won the gold medal for the Women's figure skating competition. SO proud of her.
I'm so excited for the weekend and what it has in store....I'm going to try not to think about any negatives, and continue to focus on the positive.
Peace from the East (coast).
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Que Sera, Sera. Whatever will be, will be.
How many obstacles can a relationship go through?!
I feel like Caleb and I have experienced (and are still experiencing) so many tests and trials throughout our ENTIRE relationship, and especially within these last couple months. From my parents to my sister, from the long distance Point Loma to Mira Mesa relationship to the long distance East Coast/West Coast relationship we are in now, from the hectic TBS days to the busy MOS days now, from our/my trust issues to unforgivable weather issues, from being stationed at Cherry Point NC to the uncertainities about his deployment...it's endless. JUST endless!!!!!
My original trip to visit Caleb was February 11th. Now, it might be March 4th. Can you believe that?!!! I'm in this anxious waiting period right now to see whether or not my flight tomorrow will be cancelled. I found out last night by looking at Southwest.com and the weather channel that my flight might be cancelled due to weather conditions...again. There's another big storm that will hit the Northeast tomorrow. I wasn't feeling too happy yesterday for some reason (probably trying not to get too excited for my trip in case something like THIS happened), and when I found out that my flight might be cancelled, I lost it. I started CRYING...uncontrollably and tried to sleep off my disappointment to no avail. I couldn't stop crying so I called Caleb and asked him to stay on the phone with me while I tried to sleep. Poor Caleb...I woke him around around 2am his time and he had to wake up at 0513...even though he was a little out of it, he was still able to be super sweet to me while I was bawling my eyes out.
Anyway, I feel better today. He called me this morning and we were able to talk for a good 20 minutes while I was finishing my breakfast and driving to work. He reminded me that everything is in God's hands, and that the worst that can happen is that I will see him next week. So, I am not mad at God anymore...I was last night. But today, no matter what happens, I am happy that I have a wonderful man who I can call my boyfriend and best friend. I have been checking the status of Southwest and the weather channel ALL morning and I haven't received a call YET. We'll see...I'll continue to check the status throughout the day. I just PRAY that my trip doesn't get cancelled while I'm at the airport tomorrow. That would just suck. I'd rather know now than later, and if I had to ask God for anything, it would be just that. I wouldn't want my sister to have to wake up super early only to call her back to pick me up at the airport again, so God, please let me know soon!!! =)
Anyway, I have learned and I've just decided to stop planning. I'm just going to sit back and try not to take the reigns on future events anymore. It'll liberate me! anyway...i'm off to lunch in a couple of minutes. If anything changes, I'll be sure to post!
I feel like Caleb and I have experienced (and are still experiencing) so many tests and trials throughout our ENTIRE relationship, and especially within these last couple months. From my parents to my sister, from the long distance Point Loma to Mira Mesa relationship to the long distance East Coast/West Coast relationship we are in now, from the hectic TBS days to the busy MOS days now, from our/my trust issues to unforgivable weather issues, from being stationed at Cherry Point NC to the uncertainities about his deployment...it's endless. JUST endless!!!!!
My original trip to visit Caleb was February 11th. Now, it might be March 4th. Can you believe that?!!! I'm in this anxious waiting period right now to see whether or not my flight tomorrow will be cancelled. I found out last night by looking at Southwest.com and the weather channel that my flight might be cancelled due to weather conditions...again. There's another big storm that will hit the Northeast tomorrow. I wasn't feeling too happy yesterday for some reason (probably trying not to get too excited for my trip in case something like THIS happened), and when I found out that my flight might be cancelled, I lost it. I started CRYING...uncontrollably and tried to sleep off my disappointment to no avail. I couldn't stop crying so I called Caleb and asked him to stay on the phone with me while I tried to sleep. Poor Caleb...I woke him around around 2am his time and he had to wake up at 0513...even though he was a little out of it, he was still able to be super sweet to me while I was bawling my eyes out.
Anyway, I feel better today. He called me this morning and we were able to talk for a good 20 minutes while I was finishing my breakfast and driving to work. He reminded me that everything is in God's hands, and that the worst that can happen is that I will see him next week. So, I am not mad at God anymore...I was last night. But today, no matter what happens, I am happy that I have a wonderful man who I can call my boyfriend and best friend. I have been checking the status of Southwest and the weather channel ALL morning and I haven't received a call YET. We'll see...I'll continue to check the status throughout the day. I just PRAY that my trip doesn't get cancelled while I'm at the airport tomorrow. That would just suck. I'd rather know now than later, and if I had to ask God for anything, it would be just that. I wouldn't want my sister to have to wake up super early only to call her back to pick me up at the airport again, so God, please let me know soon!!! =)
Anyway, I have learned and I've just decided to stop planning. I'm just going to sit back and try not to take the reigns on future events anymore. It'll liberate me! anyway...i'm off to lunch in a couple of minutes. If anything changes, I'll be sure to post!
Friday, February 19, 2010
ramblings
I just haven't been in the mood to write lately. I feel there's so much going on, but I'm too lazy to journal. I'm at work at the moment and have finished most of my work, so I'm forcing myself to take this opportunity to write about what's been happening. I'll just do bullet points....in no particular order, here goes:
-last Monday, Melodies led worship at the first Women's Ministry of the season. It was wonderful! We ended our set with "Our God is an Awesome God," SIGNING and SINGING at the same time and the few that were there also participated in signing. SO much fun!
- My trip got cancelled because of the weather conditions a week ago. I'll be seeing Caleb next Thursday...it seems SO far away, but I know it's not!
- I'm happy that my parents are back from their trip to Indonesia. I didn't realize how much I missed them until they came back.
- I've been teaching Mom how to text message. She's getting it...just needs to keep on doing it daily...but she is so excited to learn and to actually be caught up with technology (finally). This is a small step...but, at least she is learning!
- I need to prioritize my relationship with God. and to reignite that fire for Him.
- Caleb and I are great. It's always hard, but we are adjusting and getting used to everything I think. He's usually in class til late at night, and will call me whenever he gets back to his room...and I've been okay with that, at least for now!
- His birthday was two days ago! Sad I couldn't celebrate with him, but will definitely celebrate with him when I see him.
- Piano students are doing good. It gets frustrating at times...but I see potential in all my students. Ian had his recital (in front of my mom, denise, his mom and nathan) a few weeks ago and did great. I bought him a Bionicle as his reward and HE was so excited and happy. Nathan's recital will be on March 9th, hopefully...just got to motivate him to practice and to clean up all of his pieces. Alex and Gabriel are doing VERY good. They both improved a lot last week, so I hope that today's lesson will also be as good as the last. I have a notation test for them to take today, so hopefully they do good.
- I might get another piano student and it'll be a GIRL (finally!!!). She's five and I would have to drive to her house, however, so we'll see how that all fits in my already packed schedule.
- I won't get a lot back from Taxes this year compared to last year! UGH. but I'm grateful that I don't have to PAY at least. and I'm grateful I still have a job!
- Going to Universal Studios tomorrow to celebrate Cynthia's birthday with Linda and her friends from LA. She booked a room at the Hilton...so it should be fun! It's supposed to rain though...but that won't stop us from having fun!
- I bought her a cake from "it's a piece of cake" and can't wait to eat it!! It's red velvet and it looks delicious.
- I need to be a better person and not judge people.
- I have discovered that I am very sensitive to negative words directed at me. Some people don't really care about what words are said to them, but I do.
- I won a 100 gift certificate to a spa from the radio by submitting a love letter that I wrote to Caleb. I have yet to pick up my prize!!!! I will have to find some time to do it next week!
- will continue later...
-last Monday, Melodies led worship at the first Women's Ministry of the season. It was wonderful! We ended our set with "Our God is an Awesome God," SIGNING and SINGING at the same time and the few that were there also participated in signing. SO much fun!
- My trip got cancelled because of the weather conditions a week ago. I'll be seeing Caleb next Thursday...it seems SO far away, but I know it's not!
- I'm happy that my parents are back from their trip to Indonesia. I didn't realize how much I missed them until they came back.
- I've been teaching Mom how to text message. She's getting it...just needs to keep on doing it daily...but she is so excited to learn and to actually be caught up with technology (finally). This is a small step...but, at least she is learning!
- I need to prioritize my relationship with God. and to reignite that fire for Him.
- Caleb and I are great. It's always hard, but we are adjusting and getting used to everything I think. He's usually in class til late at night, and will call me whenever he gets back to his room...and I've been okay with that, at least for now!
- His birthday was two days ago! Sad I couldn't celebrate with him, but will definitely celebrate with him when I see him.
- Piano students are doing good. It gets frustrating at times...but I see potential in all my students. Ian had his recital (in front of my mom, denise, his mom and nathan) a few weeks ago and did great. I bought him a Bionicle as his reward and HE was so excited and happy. Nathan's recital will be on March 9th, hopefully...just got to motivate him to practice and to clean up all of his pieces. Alex and Gabriel are doing VERY good. They both improved a lot last week, so I hope that today's lesson will also be as good as the last. I have a notation test for them to take today, so hopefully they do good.
- I might get another piano student and it'll be a GIRL (finally!!!). She's five and I would have to drive to her house, however, so we'll see how that all fits in my already packed schedule.
- I won't get a lot back from Taxes this year compared to last year! UGH. but I'm grateful that I don't have to PAY at least. and I'm grateful I still have a job!
- Going to Universal Studios tomorrow to celebrate Cynthia's birthday with Linda and her friends from LA. She booked a room at the Hilton...so it should be fun! It's supposed to rain though...but that won't stop us from having fun!
- I bought her a cake from "it's a piece of cake" and can't wait to eat it!! It's red velvet and it looks delicious.
- I need to be a better person and not judge people.
- I have discovered that I am very sensitive to negative words directed at me. Some people don't really care about what words are said to them, but I do.
- I won a 100 gift certificate to a spa from the radio by submitting a love letter that I wrote to Caleb. I have yet to pick up my prize!!!! I will have to find some time to do it next week!
- will continue later...
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)